This last year has been a pretty positive period for me. I have continued to distance myself emotionally from my narcissistic ex-wife and am in a much better place as a result. It has been 3 years this month since she left for the 4th and final time (final because I successfully implemented No Contact) and, while I do still think about her as well as our time together, it doesn’t overwhelm me like it did for the first year or two.
With that said, I still get a healthy jab in the side every now and then. One of those happened just this week I’m sad to say. In case you didn’t know, my ex-wife and I continue to work for the same company at the same facility, and while we don’t work in the same building anymore, she can and does appear out of nowhere occasionally. Worse yet, we had/have a lot of mutual friends that tend to share information whether I want to hear it or not.
Before I get to the most recent piece of data regarding my ex, let me preface it with a few facts. She has been married 4 times (before she was 36 years of age), with me being the 4th husband. I know, you are thinking that should have been a big enough red flag for me to stay away, and I DID indeed consider it, but there was a justifiable reason for me to go ahead with things. I was her “go-to” guy in between each and every failed marriage – every single one! Yes, I know that was stupid too, that I allowed that, but in my mind I justified it by thinking that she must just want to be with me and that is why her marriages keep failing. Yes, we certainly can make things okay if we really want to.
On top of that, her first marriage not withstanding, the three subsequent husbands were ALL from work, the same place that we continue to work today. When you think about it, that is both sad and creepy. Again, I was able to justify it since I convinced myself the others failed simply because they’d weren’t me. It is important to note that at the time, I knew NOTHING about narcissism or that it even existed. She was simply my dream woman who appeared to want me as much as I wanted her.
I have been informed over the last several months by numerous people that she has no companion. This is after she discarded the guy that lived out here by us that she was secretly with before divorcing me. This is also the guy that she left and went back to in order to extract the maximum she could prior to the final discard a few months ago. That is the first part of the predictability. After that, she laid low in order to look as if she was doing the “right” thing, not being with anybody and accepting the pity and “you poor thing” comments from her friends and minions. However, as those of us familiar with narcissism are fully aware, they are NEVER alone and there is always someone behind the curtain.
That’s where the next predictable act comes from – she has yet another new boyfriend from our work location. That makes a total of 5 men that she has dated there including 3 that she married. You would think by this point that her reputation would precede her, that enough people are aware this would be marriage number 5 for her to the 4th guy from the same facility. I’m not saying she is going to get married again, but given her predictability, it is indeed time for that to happen as we have been divorced for nearly 29 months, which is definitely a new record for her not being married.
As I noted above, there have been several instances leading up to this weeks announcement where people told me she has not been dating and has been alone. My response has always been the same – don’t believe that for a second as there is at least someone if not someone”s” that she has in hiding. I also highly expected that she would again “select” someone from work as that allows her the maximum capability for control and love bombing since they are so nearby (and her minions can tell her how great they look together).
Heres the thing, I honestly don’t care. I am not surprised, I expected it, I anticipated it, and the only part that bothers me at this point is that, given her predictability, how did I allow myself to fall into her pit in the first place. I feel sorry for the new guy as I know what he has in store. It will be the same result as all the other boyfriends and husbands before him. Sadly, he won’t even be able to fathom it for a couple of years (that is her normal length of love-bombing time), until the bottom falls out, and it will. Poor bastard. No, I am not going to warn him as he wouldn’t believe me and she would just use it to prove to him that I am “crazy” as I am sure she has justified all of her divorces in some way to him, with none of them being her fault.
So yet another piece of the predictability puzzle falls into place. I am okay with that as I have moved on, have dated a lot of different, normal women, and am seeing one right now that is going on 2+ months that I am hoping continues on the path it is on. I would rather not know anything about narcissism and not gone through all the BS that I went through, but it is reassuring to know that I wasn’t actually the issue and there was NOTHING I could have done differently to stop what happened from happening. Sadly, this new guy (which I have been told is a really nice guy with two young daughters which again fits her pattern of predictability exactly) has no idea what he is in for.
And the cycle continues to repeat itself…